People wonder why call center people are paid so much ... for just being on the phone. Take a look:
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| Tech Support: |
"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." |
| Customer: |
"Okay." |
| Tech Support: |
"Did you get a pop-up menu?" |
| Customer: |
"No." |
| Tech Support: |
"Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" |
| Customer: |
"No." |
| Tech Support: |
"Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" |
| Customer: |
"Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." |
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| Customer: |
"I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." |
| Tech Support: |
"Did you install the update?" |
| Customer: |
"No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" |
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| Customer: |
"I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." |
| Tech Support: |
"Tell me what you've done." |
| Customer: |
"I typed 'A:SETUP'." |
| Tech Support: |
"Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
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| Customer: |
"It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." |
| Tech Support: |
"Insert the MS Word setup disk." |
| Customer: |
"What?" |
| Tech Support: |
"Did you buy MS word?" |
| Customer: |
"No..." |
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| Customer: |
"Do I need a computer to use your software?" |
| Tech Support: |
"?!%#$!" |
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| Tech Support: |
"Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" |
| Customer: |
"Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" |
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| Tech Support: |
"What type of computer do you have?" |
| Customer: |
"A white one." |
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| Tech Support: |
"Type 'A:' at the prompt." |
| Customer: |
"How do you spell that?" |
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| Tech Support: |
"What's on your screen right now?" |
| Customer: |
"A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." |
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| Tech Support: |
"What operating system are you running?" |
| Customer: |
"Pentium." |
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| Customer: |
"My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." |
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| Customer: |
"I have Microsoft Exploder." |
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| Customer: |
"How do I print my voicemail?" |
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| Customer: |
"You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." |
| Tech Support: |
"What does it say?" |
| Customer: |
"Something about an error and non-system disk." |
| Tech Support: |
"Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" |
| Customer: |
"No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." |
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| Tech Support: |
"Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." |
| Customer: |
"Is that Eastern time?" |
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| Tech Support: |
"What does the screen say now?" |
| Customer: |
"It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." |
| Tech Support: |
"Well?" |
| Customer: |
"How do I know when it's ready?" |
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A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
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| Tech Support: |
What's the problem? |
| Customer: |
There is smoke coming out of the power supply. |
| Tech Support: |
You'll need a new power supply. |
| Customer: |
"No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. |
| Tech Support: |
Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. |
| Customer: |
No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. |
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10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
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| Tech Support: |
Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. |
| Customer: |
I knew it! |
| Tech Support: |
Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes. |
| 10 minutes later. |
| Customer: |
It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. |
| Tech Support: |
Well, what version of DOS are you using? |
| Customer: |
MS-DOS 6.22. |
| Tech Support: |
That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. |
| 1 hour later. |
| Customer: |
I need a new power supply. |
| Tech Support: |
How did you come to that conclusion? |
| Customer: |
Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. |
| Tech Support: |
Then what did he say? |
| Customer: |
He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. |
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| Tech Support: |
I need a product identification number. May I help you in finding it out? |
| Customer: |
Sure. |
| Tech Support: |
Could you left-click on 'Start' and find 'My Computer'? |
| Customer: |
I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? |